We're not in Kansas anymore!

I will start this off with a disclaimer. This posting has absolutely NO relevance to anything in my life right now. Not even a little bit. But it sure is a fun story to tell!

So, you all are aware that Kentucky and Tennessee have tornado season, right? And not just a small tornado season...a growing one. In fact, there is substantial evidence that tornado alley, usually associated with the midwest, is shifting to encompass more of the southern states. Aside from the fabulous 1996 blockbuster, "Twister," have any of you actually experienced a tornado or a tornado warning?

SCARY.

The first legitimate tornado warning I experienced back in Kentucky was during the summer of 2007. There was a horrendous storm going on outside (honestly, thunderstorms out here are nothing compared to the storms in the south) and Jess Bray and I decided we wanted McFlurries. We usually went for DQ Blizzards, but McDonalds was way closer to the house. So we cruise on into Oak Grove in the Honda, and while in the drive thru, we hear a weather warning come across the radio station. We turned it up, knowing that tornado watches were in effect, and discovered that this warning stated there were tornadoes touching down in the area from Herndon to Hopkinsville.

We lived in Herndon.

Instead of tearing out of the drive thru like we SHOULD HAVE done, we waited patiently for our McFlurries and then tore out of the parking lot. It was about 8:00 and pitch black outside from the storm, so there was no way we could have seen a tornado even if it was right in front of us. That was a really reassuring realization. Thanks again, Jess, for being such a voice of comfort that night. So we make it the 6.5 miles home without encountering a tornado, and can see that the storm has moved further toward Hopkinsville. Instead of locking ourselves in the bathroom (which was MY choice) we sat out on Jess's tailgate and watched the little tornado fingers dropping out of the sky on the horizon. Tornado sky is really creepy. I think something like 15 tornadoes were spotted in the Hopkinsville area that night.

My second tornado experience is by far my favorite story. I considered myself old-hat at all things tornado after this one. Jess had left for Afghanistan at the beginning of January 2008, and I was living at the house in Herndon by myself until Marc and Jessica moved in in February. And, of course, this was the ideal time for the worst storm ever. In the history of the world. Okay, maybe not that bad, but it was pretty bad. So I get home from work at about 6:00, like usual, and distinctly remember seeing stars and twilight on my drive home. I turn on the television, crank the volume up, and make myself some dinner. After awhile, I start hearing a very loud ruckus going on outside, and I could NOT figure out what the deal was. The Amish wouldn't be out that late on a Wednesday night, and there were no children living in the neighborhood who would be vandalizing the school across the highway.

So I get up to check it out and when I open the door, I am immediately confronted by mayhem. I swear I saw a cow fly by. Holy crap!! Did I transport into the Wizard of Oz?? What the hell is going on!? It was clear outside like a half hour ago!!

I look back at the tv and see nothing but the red screen of death saying "Seek Shelter Immediately." Apparently this storm materialized out of nowhere, without enough time for watches or warnings to be broadcast on the tv. Straight to the red screen of death. For some reason I still don't understand, I decided I should walk out on the back deck to check out the other side of the house. Like maybe it wouldn't be storming over there or something. You know how they say a tornado sounds like a freight train. They are so not lying. We lived nowhere near any kind of train tracks, but I couldn't help but think "Huh, sounds like a trainnnn...OH JESUS." I didn't even have time for an exclamation point.

I cannot begin to tell you how quickly I threw myself, my laptop, and the cats into the bathtub. I thought about putting the kitties into cat carriers, but that would take too much time. And I attempted to move my mattress, but realized it wouldn't even fit into the bathroom. Who thought up that survival technique anyhow? My mom called while I was hiding out in the bathroom. She was watching the Weather Channel and saw there were some horrendous storms going on near us. I tried to cover my panic as best I could and explained to her that I would have to call her back, if I survived. After an hour or so, when the house didn't collapse around me and the bathtub, I deemed it safe for us to leave the bathroom.

I'm pretty sure Mother Nature was just having a heck of a time with me that night, because when I walked back outside to survey the wreckage, not only was everything totally okay...the sky was clear and full of stars. What a jokester.