The story of "us"

HOLY. CRAP. I am marrying Clint Singleton.

The closer we get to the wedding day (22 days!!!!), the more often I am having this realization. Some of you may be thinking "Well who the heck else did you think you were marrying??" but if you only knew the whole story, you would understand. Few people know the whole story of "us," but let's just say when I told some friends about the engagement their first response was "YOU ARE MARRYING HIM!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Granted, these are slightly biased old friends who have not seen us together this second time around...but that really says something, right?

So for the majority of you who do not know the story of "us," I'm going to try to give you a glimpse into the past...which has led to the most incredible future I could have imagined. Actually, I did imagine it. As a 13 year old girl. While I was drawing little hearts around our names and practicing writing my first name with his last name. Let me tell you, it has been WEIRD practicing that when it is for reals.

Ok. Back on topic. If you read our engagement announcement, you know that we met many, many years ago. Our fathers were both members of the Drum & Bugle Corps here in Yreka, and they had known each other for many years. I first remember meeting Clint as a 4 year old on the Blue Goose, a touristy attraction of a steam train. Clint remembers meeting me somewhere around the same time frame, but at a Drum & Bugle Corps practice, not on the train. When I met him, I remember thinking he was the cutest boy I had ever seen. *Awwww*

Fast forward about 8-9 years, and I hadn't seen Clint much. Suddenly, I was 12-13 years old and he was in high school and BFF's with my older brother, Jess, and he was around our house ALL the time. ALL THE TIME. I couldn't get away from this kid...and boy did I want to! I was the most awkward pre-teen you could ever imagine, and had even fewer skills with boys than the normal pre-teen girl. He would call the house asking for my brother, and I would giggle uncontrollably and pass the phone off. And if he came over to the house, I was usually hiding in my bedroom. Over a few years, however, I gained a little more confidence and would actually talk to him on the phone and sit in the living room when he came over. This was a breakthrough.

The only people who knew how much I liked him were my BFFs at the time, Katie and Catie. They were witness to the name scrawling and hearts drawing, and knew that he was the only boy on my mind. Unfortunately, he would remain the primary boy on my mind for many years to come. Maybe it was fortunately, considering I was pretty uninterested in boys at this time in my life. Weird, I know.

Now we're in high school. I was a freshman when he was a senior, and I dreaded seeing him on campus. He was always nice enough to me, but even when he was making fun of me (in an ever-so-flirtatious manner), I didn't mind because he was paying attention to me. And in my mind, any attention from him was good attention. He TALKED to me on campus, in front of his friends, in groups of people. ME. A lowly freshman. My way of thinking makes sense now, right?

He graduated. My brother was off gallavanting in the army. I rarely saw him anymore unless Jess was home on leave. And randomly, when I was a senior, he sent me an email. My picture had been in the paper for being one of the smart kids, and it spurred him to email me...because he'd been thinking about me. This started an email conversation that lasted months. And months. And it pretty much lasted until I was 19, in January of 2004, when we started dating. Somehow, Jess had planted the idea in Clint's head that he was ok with us dating and we should give it a try. Jess, however, still did not know of my undying and everlasting love for this boy, and when he spoke to me about it, I was MORTIFIED. But I totally played it cool. No big deal, if he wants to ask me out on a date, that's fine. I'll play your silly little game.

Inner thought process: "OH MY FREAKING GOD CLINT SINGLETON IS GOING TO ASK ME OUT ON A DATE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD." Times infinity. Plus two.

So he waited until the day my brother went back to KY (this was 2 weeks after my brother brought it up to me, mind you. Not fair), and he called me up (with my phone number he had kept for over 5 months) and asked me out on a date. This was the beginning. If you had asked me about this prior to November 2008, I would have told you it was the beginning of the end. Bitter? No way. Anywho, I thought this was the most awesomest thing that could ever happen to me. We were meant to be, in my mind, and this just sealed it. Everything in our past, in MY past, was leading up to this. And we were going to get married, and have babies, and get a dog, and life would be full of ponies and rainbows. And hugs. Do you see where this is going? Down the inevitable path of ginormous disappointment?

I won't get into the ugly details here, but let's just say things didn't work out. And by that, I mean 10 months later, at the end of October, he broke my heart into a million tiny pieces. With little hope of recovering each and every one of them. I was shattered, hurt, and a huge mess. It took me a LONG time to recover, and I am talking months...maybe even years. I went through the process, felt my emotions, but never quite got over it. I didn't date anyone else for years, mostly because I didn't want to. I still had feelings for him that I wouldn't admit to anyone, not even myself, but I didn't want to date anyone else.

So there we were. I moved down to Berkeley, far far away from home. We were on "okay" terms by this point and spoke to each other at various large time intervals. I avoided him like the plague when I came home to visit, and we both started seeing other people. We were moving on, in the biggest possible way. And then I moved to Kentucky.

As much as I hate to admit it, he was part of the reason I moved so far away. My other option was to stay around California and be reminded of him, and us, and everything that made my heart hurt. So I moved. It may sound silly, but he was a big catalyst to most of the things I have done in my adult life. A lot of personal changes about myself and my decisions stemmed from how he made me feel. I wanted more control over my life, and I just didn't see that happening in California. Hellooooo Kentucky and Tennessee!!!

Best. Years. Of. My. Life. So far. I'll throw in that little disclaimer. Because the best are yet to come, of course :) But I loved life in the south. I loved everything about living back there. Moving back east was one of the best decisions I have ever made, because I truly became ME. I had the best friends, a good job, a direction in life, and I had FUN. And then I dated the other catalyst. After only 6months, he broke my heart into a million little pieces and I was, once again, shattered. I spent months recovering and fixing myself, and it was a long process. During these months, somehow, Clint and I started speaking again. I don't know why, and I'm not sure what started it...but it felt different. It didn't hurt. We were building a brand new friendship that had no basis in the past. We were starting over.

I still didn't quite trust him, and I didn't really know what to make of the rekindled friendship. I don't think either of us did. I knew I still had feelings for him, and he knew he still had feelings for me, but neither of us knew if they were based on the past or the present. The main thing we can both agree on, talking about this now, is that we both couldn't forget each other over the years. And we knew that was for a reason, even if the reason was unknown.

Fast-forward to November 2008. Clint came out to visit Jess and I for a week, and he came out a few days before Jess came home to spend some time with me. During this time, I received the long awaited apology that I had been missing for years. And during this week, we fell in love. The timing was perfect, but could not have been more wrong. We lived 2500 miles away from each other, neither of us was willing to move from our current place, we both had our own separate lives, but we knew we could not let this opportunity for a second chance pass us by. We ended the week in a serious, committed relationship (after many hours of discussion. And by that, I mean I yelled a lot) and within a month we knew this was the real deal, even if we hadn't told each other that yet. Heck, we started planning the wedding in February!

So that is our story, as condensed as it can be. I never get tired of thinking about it, and knowing how close we were to losing each other forever makes me appreciate "us" even more. I simply can't imagine my life without him, because he has never left my life. He has always been there. And as we get closer and closer to this wedding, I am having more frequent realizations that I am marrying Clint Singleton. The crush I have had since I was 4 years old. The boy whose name I scribbled as a 13 year old. This person who was for so many years unattainable. The man that I am thrilled to spend the rest of my life with.

The love of my life :)